Movie Watch: Virgin Territory Review
August 29, 2008
Aside from his title role as Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode II and III, Hayden Christensen hasn’t been the most high profile name in Hollywood. He stars in “Virgin Territory,” which dares to mix “A Knight’s Tale” with the stale sex comedy formula similar to “American Pie.” Is it worth 90 minutes of your time?
While the formulaic story that the movie freely falls into might make viewers turn away from it, the medieval guise actually makes it feel fresh. And for those of you who love the genre, there definitely isn’t a shortage of bare breasts and nude women thrown at the viewer — a priority for VT.
Mainly, it’s a showcase for the typical male’s (hopeful) thinking of the inner workings of a convent and it might be construed as a bit blasphemous. The way society seems to be going nowadays, though, it might not be too far off the mark. Still, a social statement it’s not and viewers should take it as a fun sex comedy that generously takes some religious liberties along the way.
VT uses the Medieval Times, during the plague epidemic, as its backdrop which it…quickly disregards. The story unfolds with a tale about a corrupt lender, Gerbino de la Ratta, who goes after the now-dead King’s daughter, Pampinea, and is presented with more than a few road blocks, of course.
Both Mischa Barton (of Fox’s The OC fame) and her lover-to-be Hayden Christensen (as Lorenzo) fail to produce any chemistry between them, but the plot’s humor and supporting cast more than makes up for their lack of enthusiasm.
Tim Roth’s Gerbino, the “rat,” is as slimy and conniving as his nick name implies in all his lazily-held sword glory. Likewise, Craig Parkinson’s Tindaro, pretending to be a priest, uplifts the movie above mediocrity as he provides the funniest lines in the film. The “stars” definitely play second fiddle to the memorable side characters.
Overall, the film’s setting gives off the impression that it’ll have darker themes and a serious tone, but it defies your expectations and makes it surprisingly funny and, at times, unpredictable. At the very least, you’ve never seen a sexier cow-milking scene than the one depicted here.
Medieval Quotes:
- “Funny, cos I always thought he was the biggest dick in town.”
- “Don’t get sultry!”
- “Hear no evil, speak no evil.”
- “I’ve never talked so much bollocks in all my life. Thank God for being a priest.”
- “It’s the clothes. All priests look the same.”
- “You had you’re hand…down on my root!”
Cow-milking and respectable sword swinging aside, “Virgin Territory”’s main problem is that its thesis — not all virgins are angels, and not all angels are virgins — is overdone by slapping the viewer over the head with it. Its anti-virginity theme is likely present to incite some discussion, but if it had been more subtle it would’ve worked just the same.
The film isn’t without its obvious flaws, but we’ll give it the rental nod. Because, unlike all the other sex comedies that retread through the same story and characters, “Virgin Territory” mixes it up with a new setting and plenty of laughs that makes for a quality hour and a half movie watch — even if you’re just in it for the naked chicks.
DVD Release: August 26, 2008
[Editor’s Note: Walking down the aisles of your favorite retailer you’ll see movies that you’ve never heard of. Even if you’d like to know how they fare no one cares enough to review them! That’s where “Movie Watch” comes in…oh, and we’ll try to cover movies on Xbox Live from time to time. Because if you’re gonna spend those confusing Microsoft points on something other than games, it better be worth it, right?]
More Movie Watch:
The American Mall
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Batman - Gotham Knight
Like a Dragon (Ryu Ga Gotoku)
Raising Jeffrey Dahmer
Rumor: MegaMan 9 to Support Rumble!!!
August 20, 2008
It looks like our facility has been hit with a MegaTruck (megaman cartoon lingo). We have received a trustworthy tip that MegaMan 9 WILL support rumble on 2 systems, possibly the third. To protect the victim we have replaced his name with MM9.
“…the support of rumble is something we’ve been working on since all 3 consoles now support vibration controllers. For now, we see the Wii, and Xbox 360 incorporating rumble. The Playstation3 is a possibility…
Great job on the site,
-MM9″
We’re pretty excited that she/he mentioned the PS3 as a possibilty. Until we hear an Official Public confirmation, we’re stashing this in our “most likely true, rumor bin”.
GameDaily HUD Worth Checking Out
August 15, 2008
GameDaily recently assembled some of the better game journalists in the business including my old blogging partner Daniel Perez of FileFront. If the last name sounds familiar, that’s because his brother Juan just happens to be the senior editor of Kezins.com. The discussions from the journalists are interesting, but I was wondering where I was when the invites were being handed out. Just kidding… The panel discussion was interesting as the journalists talked about what games they were currently playing. Check out the link below to find out what the writers are playing!
PAIN: Hotel Coral Essex in Paradise
July 28, 2008
With PS3’s Summer Sale going on till July 31, I thought this was the perfect time to go ahead and buy me some PAIN for $4.99. With the additional add-on characters, I clearly understood PAIN’s sexual innuendo’s. I mean their Ninja character’s name in Hung-Lo, come one.
As I positioned the main character, Jarvis, into PAIN’s catapult I noticed the building in the distance located in the center of the screen. Watching “Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise”, I quickly realized the resemblance. It was obvious to me, that the level “Paindemonium” was set in Miami, Fl. Check out the rest of the pics below:
Ok, ok So I knocked out some letters, sue me!
First Impression: For $4.99, it’s a great buy on the PSN Summer Sale. Full Review coming soon…
Metal Gear Name Generator
July 7, 2008
Gray Fox, Solid Snake and Big Boss. Wouldn’t you like you very own unique Metal Gear Name? Check out this website, which tags you with a first and last name. Mine happens to be Inebriated Beetle. I guess that’s cool. What’s your code name?
“Input your first and last name, and you’ll be given your code name for this mission. The first part of your code name describes your unique skill or personality, and the second part is your animal designation.”
Via metalgearnamegenerator.com/
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Microsoft Bans ‘Ben Dover’
July 3, 2008
If you currently have a variation of ‘Ben Dover’ as your name on Xbox LIVE, you will be required to change it if Microsoft hasn’t already banned your name. It seems to me like Microsoft is getting a little too “PC” and trying to eliminate any kind of creative screen names that may have adult meanings behind them. Recently, Microsoft also decided to ban any screen names with the word “gay” included.
Are they going too far with name restrictions? What do you guys think? I realize that Microsoft is worried about offending people, but perhaps they are going a little too far. How about banning the foul-mouthed punks who continually plague XBL? Screen names are really the least of my worries.
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Look Cool on Kezins.com
July 1, 2008
Hello Folks, it’s your favorite editor here to say… damn I forgot. But while I’m writing, I figured let me keep our
readers up to date with COOL avatars news. What’s an avatar you ask? Ok, if you’ve commented on our site you’ve probably have noticed the picture that shows up next to your name. That’s an avatar. If you hate your ‘triangle head, square head or circle head’ avatar, and would like to choose your own, go to gravatar.com
What is a gravatar?
A gravatar, or globally recognized avatar, is quite simply an avatar image that follows you from weblog to weblog appearing beside your name when you comment on gravatar enabled sites. Avatars help identify your posts on web forums, so why not on weblogs?
Kezins.com encourage all our readers to express your image with as much personality as possible. We would love not like to see racy pics in your gravatar’s so, I guess keep em clean!
We’ll be searching for the coolest gravatar and anything with Star Wars, Punky Brewster or Braveheart win my vote!
Zombie Tribute
June 15, 2008
We love zombies at Kezins.com and fortunately came across this pretty good zombie tribute clip on YouTube tonight. For me, if a zombie tribute clip includes anything from Shawn of the Dead, we have to give it some credibility for having good taste. My all-time favorite zombie movie moment had to be at the end of Shawn of the Dead when Shawn and zombie Ed are playing the PS2 in the shed at the end. Name the game they were playing and it’s worth 100 bonus points…
