Aside from his title role as Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode II and III, Hayden Christensen hasn’t been the most high profile name in Hollywood. He stars in “Virgin Territory,” which dares to mix “A Knight’s Tale” with the stale sex comedy formula similar to “American Pie.” Is it worth 90 minutes of your time?

While the formulaic story that the movie freely falls into might make viewers turn away from it, the medieval guise actually makes it feel fresh. And for those of you who love the genre, there definitely isn’t a shortage of bare breasts and nude women thrown at the viewer — a priority for VT.

Mainly, it’s a showcase for the typical male’s (hopeful) thinking of the inner workings of a convent and it might be construed as a bit blasphemous. The way society seems to be going nowadays, though, it might not be too far off the mark. Still, a social statement it’s not and viewers should take it as a fun sex comedy that generously takes some religious liberties along the way.

VT uses the Medieval Times, during the plague epidemic, as its backdrop which it…quickly disregards. The story unfolds with a tale about a corrupt lender, Gerbino de la Ratta, who goes after the now-dead King’s daughter, Pampinea, and is presented with more than a few road blocks, of course.

Both Mischa Barton (of Fox’s The OC fame) and her lover-to-be Hayden Christensen (as Lorenzo) fail to produce any chemistry between them, but the plot’s humor and supporting cast more than makes up for their lack of enthusiasm.

Tim Roth’s Gerbino, the “rat,” is as slimy and conniving as his nick name implies in all his lazily-held sword glory. Likewise, Craig Parkinson’s Tindaro, pretending to be a priest, uplifts the movie above mediocrity as he provides the funniest lines in the film. The “stars” definitely play second fiddle to the memorable side characters.

Overall, the film’s setting gives off the impression that it’ll have darker themes and a serious tone, but it defies your expectations and makes it surprisingly funny and, at times, unpredictable. At the very least, you’ve never seen a sexier cow-milking scene than the one depicted here.

Medieval Quotes:

• “Funny, cos I always thought he was the biggest dick in town.”
• “Don’t get sultry!”
• “Hear no evil, speak no evil.”
• “I’ve never talked so much bollocks in all my life. Thank God for being a priest.”
• “It’s the clothes. All priests look the same.”
• “You had you’re hand…down on my root!”

Cow-milking and respectable sword swinging aside, “Virgin Territory”’s main problem is that its thesis — not all virgins are angels, and not all angels are virgins — is overdone by slapping the viewer over the head with it. Its anti-virginity theme is likely present to incite some discussion, but if it had been more subtle it would’ve worked just the same.

The film isn’t without its obvious flaws, but we’ll give it the rental nod. Because, unlike all the other sex comedies that retread through the same story and characters, “Virgin Territory” mixes it up with a new setting and plenty of laughs that makes for a quality hour and a half movie watch — even if you’re just in it for the naked chicks.

DVD Release: August 26, 2008

[Editor’s Note: Walking down the aisles of your favorite retailer you’ll see movies that you’ve never heard of. Even if you’d like to know how they fare no one cares enough to review them! That’s where “Movie Watch” comes in…oh, and we’ll try to cover movies on Xbox Live from time to time. Because if you’re gonna spend those confusing Microsoft points on something other than games, it better be worth it, right?]

written by Carlos Macias \\ tags: American, Barton, comedy, Craig Parkinson, Don, Gerbino, Hayden Christensen, Hollywood, Jeffrey Dahmer, Knight, movie, Name, sex, story, Tale, Territory, Tim Roth, time, viewer, Virgin, Watch, way

MTV’s The American Mall is out this week and proves that even though it’s a musical from the giant that popularized music videos, it doesn’t mean they can produce a great movie. TAM revolves around a couple of aspiring songwriters who happen to live out their lives in a mall, fully going after the upper-teen crowd.

The problem is that even their focus group might be put off by this shoddy production with talented (albeit unknown) actors, ridiculous sayings, and forgettable songs. It tries to feed off of the popularity of Disney’s High School Musical, but is sub par in comparison.

An average mall as the main, and only, setting further cements its inferiority to Disney’s for-kids musical. It could’ve been an interesting setting, but it becomes tiresome to see store after store that only serve to market different products (i.e. Rock Band) and bolster brand identity (cough, Sears, cough). A mash up reminiscent of Kiss meeting Six Flags, but to worse results.

Besides the generic setting, unlike a good musical, the story bits and musical performances in TAM are integrated poorly, one cuts into the other abruptly every time; seamless transitions were clearly not the goal for The American Mall.

From what it seems, in-sync choreography was not a central focus of the film either as the timing is clearly off every time a song is performed. The actors look dazed and confused while they prance around for every song break, indicating that little time and effort went into rehearsing for the final cut.

Poor choreography might have deserved a pass if the songs were good but, besides the few that standout, prove to be forgettable titles. “Dreaming Wide Awake,” “New You,” and “Sorry’s Not Enough,” are about the only redeemable songs from The American Mall. So much so, that the first song mentioned is actually performed three times during the film.

It’s a shame that the most important part of the film, music, is botched because the actors actually pull off strong performances regardless of the tepid story. TAM is full of sexy, energetic leads that would’ve worked wonders if they had better source material.

RANDOM MOVIE COUNTS:

• “Backspace” Annoyingly Used as a Word: 2

• Shameless “Rock Band,” the game, Plugs: 6

• Signs of the Declining State of Sears: 3

• iPod Worthy Songs: 3 out of 10 Mediocre “Songs”

Nina Dobrev, as Ally, puts on a charismatic performance that brings light to every interaction she has with the rest of the cast. The movie shows glimmers of hope every time she’s confronted with the mall owner’s fiery redhead daughter, Madison, as their arguments are rightly heated and believable.

While the movie’s titular “American mall” might bring in the teenage girl in all of us to watch, the single setting actually becomes one of its biggest crutches being that there’s no variety and all the backgrounds look the same. There are a few good scenes and a couple of great songs littered throughout (sometimes times three), but are scatter shot and not enough to carry an otherwise typical musical about people trying to “make it.” If you missed the premiere presentation on MTV and want to see it, don’t bother looking for it on DVD…this reeks of “Generic Brand.”

DVD Release: August 12, 2008

[Editor’s Note: Walking down the aisles of your favorite retailer you’ll see movies that you’ve never heard of. Even if you’d like to know how they fare no one cares enough to review them! That’s where “Movie Watch” comes in…oh, and we’ll try to cover movies on Xbox Live from time to time. Because if you’re gonna spend those confusing Microsoft points on something other than games, it better be worth it, right?]

More Movie Watch:
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Batman - Gotham Knight
Like a Dragon (Ryu Ga Gotoku)
Raising Jeffrey Dahmer

written by Carlos Macias \\ tags: Ally, American, Brand, Disney, Film, focus, Jeffrey Dahmer, Madison, mall, movie, MTV, Music, musical, Nina Dobrev, production, Rock Band, setting, Song, TAM, time, Watch

For all you anime fans out there, there’s a little manga that became an anime, which has now evolved into a 3-part live action film. If you’re hard-core, you probably already know what I’m talking about.  You guessed it right, Death Note. For those that do not know, the story revolved on Light, a college student who finds a notebook lying on the ground coined “Death Note”.  He “reluctantly” picks it up and that is when havoc ensues…

He basically can write anyone’s name down in the book with his or her face in mind and kill him or her off with the jot of a pen.   Later on it becomes a whole moral issue on who he kills, why and a very entertaining cat and mouse game. Think of CSI and Law & Order multiplied by a thousand. It is one of the most exciting intellectual dramas I have encountered and I implore you to check it out! 

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written by Jennifer Safanova \\ tags: action, American, anime, Bob, death, Film, Japan, light, Manga, movie, note, part, Remake, right, series, story, The Way, Vertigo